sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
