is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
