I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
