It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
