I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
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