is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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