Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, beer. Big fan.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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