I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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