im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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