I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
