goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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