I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
