You're completely useless in the revolution.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
