I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
