Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
