Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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