If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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