i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
