Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
