we made out on top of his cat.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize