either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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