He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
