My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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