You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
