If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
