Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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