I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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