I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
