She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
