he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
