Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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