I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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