plz talk dirty to me
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
