Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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