id be glad to
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just cropdusted the office
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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