I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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