she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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