i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I need to calm my uterus...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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