We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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