Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
