i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i would punch a child for taco bell
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
