i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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