last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
