I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
