he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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