she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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