going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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