she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
