We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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