Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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