remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
