my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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