I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
