ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
