so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
