if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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