I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
