is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
