We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Even my vagina gasped.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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