dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
