They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
