Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
