i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
