Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
