You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
