I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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