You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize