At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
