Need sex. Gaining weight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
