I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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