what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
