Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
