I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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