sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
