yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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