i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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