he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
