Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So much Jack, so little girl.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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