I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
