I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
