i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
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