The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
