Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
