I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
