You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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