Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
