I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
