Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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