I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
