so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
