we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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