i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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