This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
