I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize