I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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