A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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