Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
