anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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