she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
