she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
