I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
