Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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